Wild Instincts - Complete Edition (Werewolf Erotic Romance) Page 17

  "Arguments and in-fighting aren't any good for our pack either," she said.

  Rowan paused for a long moment as he looked at Niya before finally speaking. "A good alpha doesn't ignore the advice of his pack, but I won't pretend what Thorne did never happened either. I'll give him a chance. A compromise." He turned to address the gathering. "I won't hold it against anyone if they choose not to associate with Thorne, and I won't allow him to live here among us. He can stay out at the orchard for now—but he can stay. At least until we're sure the Mine Pack are gone from our territory. Maybe Niya's right. Perhaps he can earn back his place as one of us, but one slip up and I won't hesitate to drive him back out."

  The sigh of relief that rushed out of me was the most wonderful thing I'd felt in weeks. The weight dragging on my heart finally eased, and the rush of emotion that swelled in to replace it was almost too much for me to handle. I sank to my knees, covering my mouth to stifle a sob of gratitude, my eyes watering all over again, this time with tears of joy rather than desperation or fear. I didn't know what Niya had said to Rowan, but it had been enough. Whatever uncertain feelings I might have had towards Thorne's old friend before, they were buried beneath overwhelming gratitude now. She'd given him a chance, and that was all he needed.

  The disagreements in the aftermath of Rowan's revised decision didn't stop immediately, but there were no more angry confrontations or threats of violence. The Wood Pack was still divided over the decision to allow Thorne to stay, but Niya's return seemed to have rallied most of the group behind her, and only the most vocal dissenters continued to argue as the evening wore on. Ethan found me again as the gathering began to disperse and led me over to a log bench by the central fire, fetching a damp cloth for my bruised cheek.

  I was reeling in the aftermath of everything that had happened, and I barely even noticed the throb of the bruise as I sat down to collect my thoughts. Thorne was safe, and that meant we could be together again. More than that, we could start to build a new life for ourselves here amongst the Wood Pack, away from Cyan and the dangers of the forest. We could even go back to the city and visit my family again—Thorne's, too. I wondered what his parents were like. Did he have any siblings? Did any of them know about him like Ellie knew about me?

  I had to force myself to calm down as a giddy smile crept across my face. We weren't quite ready to play happy families yet. There was still a long way to go, but it had been so long since I'd allowed myself to hope for anything positive that it was hard to ignore the blissful fantasies playing out in my head. It felt good to dream for once, without the anxiety of the next big obstacle hanging over me.

  Niya and Agatha continued to talk with Rowan for a while, the alpha nodding and frowning in equal measure as he conversed with the pair. It was obvious he wasn't happy with the decision he'd been pushed into making, but he seemed to be handling it with a kind of stoic acceptance. As hostile as I'd felt towards him for his treatment of Thorne, I had to admit that he came across as a good and fair leader. Cyan would never have listened to the opinion of anyone else in his pack once his mind was made up. Once the arguments kicked off he'd probably have waded into the fray himself, challenging anyone who disagreed with him. It took a lot for an alpha to step back and question his own judgement.

  Eventually most of the pack had wandered back to their own campfires, the crowd dispersing as dusk fell until only a few of us were left clustered around the central meeting area. Agatha looked tired, but she had a satisfied smile on her lips as she finally broke off her conversation with Rowan and came over to sit beside me, groaning as she lowered herself on the log.

  "You'd better hope you never have to be your alpha's go-to advisor, Lyssa. It's more hassle than I need at my time of life."

  "You love hassle," Ethan said from the other end of the log, giving his grandmother a grin.

  "That doesn't make it any less tiring, young man." She sighed and brushed back her silvery hair, turning to me and raising a hand to my bruised cheek. "How are you holding up, my dear?"

  "I'm good. Thank you so much, Agatha. You and Niya— I don't know what I would've done if you two hadn't been there to change Rowan's mind."

  "Well, don't give us all the credit. It was your story about everything you and Hawthorne have been through that kept him mulling it over in his cabin for so long after I told him. Rowan still has his doubts, but it's hard for him to argue when the proof is right there in front of him. If it weren't for you, he wouldn't have had any reason to believe Hawthorne had changed."

  "But what about Niya? What did she say to him to make him change his mind like that?"

  Agatha shook her head. "Whatever it was, it's between her and Rowan. I told you, the three of them were good friends back when they were younger. Rowan's tried his best to forget it, but if there's one person who can remind him of how close he used to be with Hawthorne, it's Niya."

  I looked over at the young woman again, unable to suppress just the slightest twinge of guilt as I watched her. I felt like I should have been the one to save Thorne, but it was his old friend—a girl who'd tried to be more than just his friend—who'd stepped in at the last moment. How would she feel towards me when she found out about the two of us? Did she already know? Or was she, like me, hoping to rekindle her romance with Thorne now that he was free from the threat of punishment and exile?

  I thought back to my encounter with Ethan and Sirrus earlier, and my guilt only increased. Maybe she deserved to be with him after all. She didn't have a demanding instinct like mine. Despite her slight appearance, she seemed to have a quiet confidence that was difficult not to admire. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down before my anxieties took over again. Thorne was safe, and that was what mattered most.

  "Can I go and see him now?" I asked Agatha.

  "Best we wait till tomorrow. Rowan wants to talk to him first. I think the two of them have a lot to say to one another. Get a good night's sleep and let that bruise of yours go down. He'll still be waiting for you in the morning."

  I doubted I would be able to sleep with this much on my mind, but I nodded in agreement. One step at a time. I looked up as another pair of boots approached, and saw Niya standing over me, framed by the firelight.

  "You're Lyssa, aren't you?" she said, untying her scarf and loosening the pair of fingerless gloves she wore. My eyes immediately caught the long, jagged scar running down her neck until it disappeared beneath her clothing. She noticed my gaze wandering and gave me a weak smile, though her eyes remained distant. I couldn't tell whether she was pleased or disappointed to meet me.

  "Yes, that's me." I nodded, then added quickly: "I was just saying to Agatha, I wanted to thank you for stepping in like that. I don't think Thorne would have stood much of a chance if you hadn't changed Rowan's mind."

  "Thorne's been through enough, he doesn't deserve to be punished any more. Rowan never saw how he was after the accident with me." She touched the scar on her neck, glancing away quickly and blinking. "Everyone was too busy being concerned for me, but Thorne was the one who ended up with more scars to show for it. I guess he's probably told you all about that."

  "A little bit," I said. "He prefers not to talk about it, but I know it wasn't his fault. I don't think I've ever met a werewolf who's had to struggle as hard as he has to control his instinct."

  "I'm glad." Niya smiled again, and this time her eyes betrayed a hint of sadness. "I hated to think of him out there trying to cope with it all on his own. It's good he finally managed to learn to live with himself."

  I nodded silently, my heart going out to the poor girl. The fear of losing Thorne I'd been struggling with for the past few days must have been her entire reality for months and years. I wasn't sure what I could say to her other than repeating my thanks. I was afraid of stepping on her feelings after everything she'd just done for me, and talking about my relationship with Thorne didn't seem in the least bit appropriate right now.

  Agatha saved us from the awkward silence by slapp
ing her thighs and standing up with another groan. "Right! Which one of you young people is going to help me back up to my creepy witch tent? I'm going to fall and break something in this dark without my wolf's eyes, and she always gets grumpy when I bother her without a good reason."

  Ethan hopped up and gave his grandmother an arm to lean on, and I took the opportunity to excuse myself as well.

  I offered Niya a smile that felt forced and painful. "Goodnight, and thank you again. It was good to finally meet you."

  "You too, Lyssa." She nodded. "Sleep well."

  I was no stranger to vivid dreams by now, and even Thorne's newfound safety didn't make my sleep any less restless. I pictured the two of us together again, hot and passionate, his firm body against mine in the smoky firelight. But I couldn't focus on the bliss of the moment. Something was different. Someone else was nearby, a vague shadowy figure hidden behind the flames. Just as I began to forget her she would catch Thorne's attention again, and he would pause, looking away from me at the strange figure, the heat of the moment dissipating. The aggravating distraction left me feeling cold and guilty, as though I was being judged. Eventually the figure melted away, the flames dimming along with the image of Thorne's face until my dreams became vague and intangible again, and I remembered nothing more of them until I woke.

  The morning was bright and cheerful, and despite my uncomfortable night's sleep I couldn't help but feel reinvigorated by the golden sunshafts shining in through the cracks in the door. Today I would see Thorne again.

  I drew some water from the barrel on my table into a bowl and washed, then slipped on my comfortable gown and sandals and poked my head out the door. It was early, and most of the camp still seemed to be asleep. The sounds of birds twittering hadn't given way to the crackle of freshly stoked fires and the hubbub of pack life yet.

  I slipped outside and hurried up the track of pine needles, past the main gathering area and down the path I knew must lead to the orchard. I probably should have waited to speak with Rowan or Agatha before going to see Thorne, but I was wide awake and couldn't stand the thought of sitting around twiddling my thumbs for the next few hours while I waited for them.

  The soft animal hide of my gown felt good against my bare skin, and I let my feet glide through the patches of tall grass so that it tickled my ankles. This was how werewolves were supposed to live. Everything about it felt so wonderfully natural. It was the simple life I had always craved growing up, but had never been allowed.

  I smiled, tilting my face up towards the sun as I made my way down the open path, walking through the meadows towards the orchard, trying to think back to the last time I'd truly been able to let everything go and enjoy myself like this. My wolf perked up at the scent of pollen in the air, drawing my attention to the flapping birds overhead and the minuscule movements of critters in the undergrowth. She was in a playful mood today, and it reminded me of same inquisitive joy I'd felt as a child when I was out in the woods. I'd always been a bit of a nature girl at heart, I supposed.

  I picked up the pace as I approached the orchard, my eagerness to see Thorne taking over as my wolf sensed him getting closer and closer. The path led up a short incline and through a rocky area, the trees coming back in as I pushed my way through a half-open wooden gate into the sheltered orchard area. It wasn't much to look at, but the rows of trees here had obviously been planted by hand, several short fences running between them with a collection of gardening tools propped up inside an open shack next to the entrance. Standing opposite it was a long, low-ceilinged building with a heavy padlock hanging from the door. That must have been Thorne's cell for the past few days.

  I hurried over, straining my ears for any signs of life, and saw that the latch was already hanging open, the door slightly ajar. I took a deep breath and opened it the rest of the way, peering inside. Thorne was nowhere to be seen. Aside from an old straw mattress in the corner, a table, and a trunk against the wall, the building was empty.

  I stepped outside again and wracked my brains for any idea of where he might have gone, before a gentle nudge from my wolf reminded me that I didn't need to guess. I smiled and shifted into my animal form, stretching out my legs and breathing in the cocktail of the forest's sweet perfume before lowering my muzzle to the ground and picking up Thorne's scent. It was mixed in with a web of other unfamiliar smells, one of them very fresh, but his unmistakable smoky musk caught my attention immediately.

  I padded my way around the empty building and along an inconspicuous little trail at the edge of the orchard, leading up between the rocks lining the enclosed space until I was climbing the side of a small, steep hill. The path here was clearly man-made as well, and before long I was climbing short flights of stone-laid steps as the incline became sharper. I circled around the entire circumference of the hill in a spiral, going gradually higher until I was looking out over yet another fantastic view of the Wood Pack's territory. When I was almost at the summit the sound of voices reached my sensitive animal ears from somewhere above.

  "You won't be out here forever, but you'll need to be on your best behaviour."

  It was Agatha. Her scent must have been the fresh one intermingled with Thorne's.

  I tucked my body in close against the steep rocky incline, the slope on my right almost vertical now. Thorne and Agatha must have been sitting at the hill's summit, looking out over the gorgeous view of the forest as they talked. It sounded like they were only a few meters above me, but due to the steep angle of the rocks and the silent padding of my paws they probably hadn't even noticed I was there.

  "I hope he's right," I heard Thorne say. "I really don't know, Agatha. Everyone's got so much faith in me, but what if I lose control again?"

  The old woman sighed, and I held myself still as I listened, unable to fight my curiosity.

  "If you really thought that, would you have come back in the first place, hmm?"

  "I came back for Lyssa, not myself. She needs people who can take care of her, a proper pack. God knows she's had a hard time of it up till now."

  Agatha paused for a moment before replying. "I think young Lyssa is the key to all this, isn't she?"

  "She's why I'm here."

  "But why did you choose her? You must have had plenty of other young ladies interested, you handsome boy," she chuckled.

  "I never let anyone get close to me again, not after Niya. It was only because of Lyssa's instinct that the two of us ended up together in the first place."

  "Mm. Whether she realises it or not, I think that girl gave you the little push you needed," Agatha said.

  "What do you mean?"

  "I mean, you were always going to struggle with your instinct if you never learned to confront it head on. All of us can try to ignore our inner wolf and bury it in nice pleasant human thoughts—and sometimes that's for the best, especially when we're younger—but sooner or later we have to learn to live with our instincts. They're part of what makes us who we are. You were never meant to be someone who hides from himself, Hawthorne."

  "You say that, but every single day I remember what I did to Niya. How am I supposed to accept that part of me? It makes me sick to my stomach." His voice was strained and tense. The sound of it reminded me of the time we'd been together in the den, when he'd first told me about his past in detail. It was that raw, sensitive side of him that he kept buried most of the time, locking it away so that it couldn't torment him.

  I rested my muzzle against the warm, smooth surface of the rock beside me, closing my eyes as my heart went out to him. I wanted to be there to comfort him, but I couldn't interrupt now.

  "Every time I'm with Lyssa I'm terrified of what I might do to her," he continued, "and then my instinct takes over and I barely even know how I'm able to control my wolf until it's over. I even told her myself; if I could do what I did to Niya, I can do it to anyone."

  There was another long pause, and for a moment I wondered whether they'd moved away before I heard Agatha speak again.
/>   "You didn't love Niya, though, did you?"

  "Of course I did." Thorne sounded surprised. "Nobody meant more to me than her. I loved her like a sister."

  "Like a sister, but not a lover. Not like a mate."

  I held my breath, my heart thumping in my chest as I waited for Thorne to respond.

  "Does that make a difference?" he said at last.

  "I don't think your instinct's a bad one, Hawthorne, but your wolf was young back then, confused. I don't think he knew how to respond to a situation like that." Agatha paused, and when she spoke again her voice was soft and motherly, as warm as the sunlit rock resting against my cheek. "I can tell you're in love with her, just as much as she's in love with you. As much as we fight against them sometimes, our instincts are only trying to protect us. I've seen a dozen girls with instincts like Lyssa's in my lifetime, and they're always stronger people than they think. They're drawn to strong mates as well. Alphas, usually."

  "I'm no alpha," Thorne said.

  "You could be. With a mate like Lyssa beside you, I think the pair of you could accomplish anything you wanted. Why do you think you fell for her in the first place?"

  "We're... similar, I suppose." Thorne still sounded troubled, but his voice had taken on a more steady, reflective note. "I always thought it was because we'd both had a tough time in the past. It wasn't just the way Cyan treated her, there was more to it than that. She didn't talk about it much, but I think she had to sacrifice a lot growing up to look after her sister. She never talks about her parents, but that sister of hers was the reason we put everything on the line with Cyan in the first place. I suppose we're both... I don't know, damaged."

  Agatha tutted. "There you go again, thinking the worst of yourself. You're going to have to get over that attitude, young man. We've all got our problems, but it sounds to me like you and Lyssa have helped each other move past them. She needs strength, stability, someone to help take the load off her shoulders, and you need someone to push you past that rut you've been in ever since you left us. That's what good couples do, you know. They help fill the chinks in each other's armour."